Day 2 as a free agent.
Last Thursday was my last day at the office. After nearly a decade on staff, I said goodbye as I took this giant leap into gracious uncertainty at the beckoning of my Lord. Filled with peace in my heart and excitement at the future, I boldly stepped away from all that I knew and made my way toward a new life of applying my passions for Christ and His Kingdom.
Sounds lovely, doesn’t it?
Well, today is day 2, the first Monday after I bid farewell to my coworkers, friends, and traditional 9 to 5 job…
What the crap did I just do? =/
It hit me as I made my way to In-N-Out for dinner and some strategic extra calories. A slow build as just minutes earlier I poured over my checkbook, finally filed taxes, and considered upcoming expenses, this knot in the pit of my stomach began to form. I had NO clue how I was getting income. Gone was that familiar blue paycheck emblazoned with company logo that I came to expect every 15th and ending. God …
I love how God works. I didn’t get to finish that last sentence because I got interrupted by a phone call from a friend of mine. She wanted the skinny on this new adventure I’m on, and as I relayed what God was up to, faith arose in my heart. I got to recount how He spoke, how during the last several months He’s stirred this new vision in my heart, how He’s been preparing me for this new chapter, how He’s brought further clarity to my next steps, and how He’s providing everything I need at every turn. Everything.
Yes, I don’t know how money is coming but I do know Who is providing it. Sure I don’t know what a typical week looks like anymore, but I can rest assured that God will give me exactly what I need when I need it. And while I cannot say what my budget should be or what dots will fill my iPhone calendar in these upcoming days, weeks, and months, I can be certain that God will be here with me, faithfully leading me every step of the way on this journey into the land He’s promised.
Funny how God can use one well-timed phone call to change my focus from worrying about whether or not I could afford to order fries with my cheeseburger to remembering His call, His provision of freelance prospects, His clarifying my vision and direction, His further stirring my desire to continue developing my art, His hand of goodness that will always be here for me.
So, day 2 as a free agent. Exhale. No longer does that reflect the anxious heart of a woman who just ran away from drafts of her budget. No longer does that overwhelm as I think of 10-11 more hours each workday that I’ve regained, yet have no clue how to wisely use. And no longer does that make me feel like I’m out on a giant ocean far from shore, untethered, and at risk of being lost by the largeness of the possibilities. I am free, indeed, but not alone.
I am incredibly humbled and fully excited for all that God has planned. Thank You, Lord, for reminding me that I am on this adventure with You so I do not have to worry, freak out, or be afraid. This is going to be fun, soul. Really. (I’m still getting all there, you know. 😉 )
Thanks again, Jesus, for the fries and cheeseburger and for reminding me that You are here to be everything I need. This trip to In-N-Out definitely hit the spot. =)