This is the second post in a 4-part series. Read part 1: Heart Check.
So this curtains scenario… Sigh.
After breathing in, I calmed myself down by honestly spilling my emotions before God. I’ve had many, many times to practice this with Him, so it wasn’t too hard to get started. And then…I um, well…
I had a little meltdown inside.
To be honest, I cried.
I mean, curtains… Seriously?*
But really, my feelings weren’t simply about the curtains…
It was about desire.
And desiring something even to the point of envisioning getting what I wanted…
Without any thought of the possibility being let down…
(It seemed so certain!)
And it was my simple, awakened desire that was so unceremoniously frustrated.
MORE THAN WINDOW DRESSING
Although it was tempting to dismiss this whole thing because they were just curtains after all, the wonderful Spirit of God wasn’t going to let me.
So, the disappointment ended up leading me to God, who gave me more than my fair share of insight as I simply prayed, opened His Word, and sat and listening for His still small voice. A few times, I felt ridiculous, but I felt His quiet nudging within to stick with this, and I firmly shooed away the doubts (remember that darn enemy!) as I waited for the One Who promises to meet us when we seek Him wholeheartedly (like in 2 Chronicles 16:9a; Psalm 69:32-33; 123:2; 91:14-16; 103:13-14; Proverbs 15:8; Isaiah 30:18-21; Matthew 7:7-11 to name a few!).
And in the quiet expectation of that moment…
He helped me hear Him—
Oh, I’m so glad He did!
Tenderly, patiently, the Lord showed me that although my wanting these silly curtains was a small, quite reasonable thing to expect, not finding them unearthed something deeper within, something in my heart that He wanted to deal with. (How clever the Lord is at revealing those hidden things!)
When I couldn’t get what I truly wanted, the unexpected flood of emotions came because I mistakenly believed that there wasn’t possibly anything better than the specific thing I wanted…
in the specific way I wanted…
in the specific place I wanted…
in the specific timing I wanted…
and couldn’t get.
I am so limited in my understanding as a human being, it was quite literally beyond my scope of imagination (at the time) to consider anything better than the “perfect” scenario I had nearly unwittingly set my heart on.
Better than tea-bag stained, antiqued, lace curtains.
Good grief, they probably make lace curtains spun from diamonds out there somewhere!
But in the midst of desiring and not getting, I just could not see how “better” was possible. Even though I know the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, the only One to Whom nothing is impossible…
HIDDEN IN THE ORDINARY
As it turns out, the disappointment was a test for my faith.
(Um, yes, I just said that.)
Missing lace curtains…
were testing my faith.
But really, God was using some missing lace curtains to test my faith.
(And if you’re tempted to dismiss the idea, hear me out…)
God will use the simplest, ordinary things of life to test our faith in Him and grow our confidence in Him. Yes, He uses the big, the dramatic, the miraculous, and the painful valleys of life too, but He doesn’t overlook the small things either.
As a Father, He wants His children to have a proven trust in Him and His goodness that is solid as a rock, undeniable, unshakable (Matthew 7:24-37; Hebrews 10:35-11:6 and…oh, heck, it’s all good!). Since He loves us so much and is so committed to building this faith in us, He’ll use just about anything as an opportunity to speak to us, teach us, mature us, draw us closer to Him, and make us more like Christ.
But will we notice when He does?
Stay tuned for part 3 in this 4-part series.
*Okay, so see how I was minimizing how I feel? Oh, what we unwittingly do to ourselves! And the roaring, thief of an enemy we have just loves that, especially since it keeps us from examining our hearts and going to God. But more on that another day…
2 thoughts on “In Case of Disappointment, Break Glass (Part 2): Frustrated Desire and Faith”
“When I couldn’t get what I truly wanted…” – so good, that little section. Looking forward to part 3 and 4.
Yes! I love how He pulls back the curtain and reveals those little things hiding inside of our hearts. It’s so wonderful that He doesn’t leave us there or let us settle on what’s in our scope. He’s got exceedingly, abundantly planned for us, friend! =)