Written March 27, 2020
I’ve been really pondering disappointment and its role in making our hearts softer — more open to the Lord. I’m finding that sometimes when I’m not able to get what I am wanting or hoping for at present, I’m tempted to run away.
It’s easier to bury the feelings following the risk of hope and hopes dashed — following perceiving the Lord’s voice and the resulting confusion when it doesn’t work out — than to sit with them, allow them to give voice to deeper hopes and fears.
But I still feel that it’s here…in this space… that God’s movement can come in — where things become possible again.
It’s difficult to put words to it, but that won’t stop me from trying…
Rather than resign myself to what’s possible from my limited frame of mind…
Maybe… disappointment calls me, beckons me… not to try harder next time.
Or come up with an alternate scenario.
Perhaps, disappointment is an opportunity to dig deeper into the well of my desire and tap into the impossible this time.
What I’m meaning to say is…
What if this situation* causing disappointment before me, what if it was not an occasion to believe God to grant me favor and open the door to me this time, but an occasion to stretch beyond the level of my faith this time?
What if this present disappointment is an opportunity to trust God for more? The abundantly more than I could ask or think kind of more?
Oh God, Who is Resurrection and the Life, come in and bring me into deeper fellowship with You this time. Help me dig deeper into the well of my desire and find You the Fountain of abundant life.
I don’t have to force my way through. You will make known to me the path of life. Amen.
At the time, I was disappointed by not getting into a class I really wanted to and repeatedly prompted by the Spirit to try (though I thought it highly unlikely I’d succeed). But I’ve had much bigger hopes dashed and smaller too.
The point, however, is the notion of finding “more” through our disappointments when we stay close to Jesus, regardless of the nature of the disappointment.
As it would happen in that specific March 27 situation, after thinking it was over, God opened the door with remarkable favor that made a way for me to proceed. Custom fit. Later than I expected Him to come. Different, but better than I had originally hoped.
But it was only after I had opened my heart to the risk of obedience at God’s initial word (rather than listening to my common sense) and then let go of the disappointing outcome that resulted.
And then Jesus came in a way that helped me see that, indeed, His say is the final say. I can trust Him and His word for even greater hopes, disappointments, and risks. The end isn’t the end until He says it is. ♥️🤲🏽