I am waiting.
And I am writing to survive.
My journey— how do I even begin to describe it? It has been a journey of faith, one where I’ve left all to follow what I heard the Master saying.
And after letting go of yet another established, well-marked out path to follow His, “Let’s be done with that now,” I find myself seeing progress and losing heart. Simultaneously.
Now, how does that work?
It was so sudden, His pivot.
And now, I have no idea where it’s all leading.
Like highway markers, I thought I knew all the upcoming destinations…
But just like that, God decides to be God and do things in a way that I find, yet again, blowing my understanding.
And testing my heart.
Calling. Desires. Aspirations. Purpose. My idea of rootedness.
It seemed pretty clear to me what He was doing.
Until it wasn’t.
And it’s in this “dark” that I am waiting.
for those job leads to turn into prospects.
for a new housing opportunity.
for the beginnings of a new family legacy.
for fulfillment of promises He birthed in me long ago.
for direction after He chose to lead me (and I agreed to go) off the pre-defined path for one that led off-road.
Nothing feels settled.
Fruition seems not far off.
Change looks impossible.
But sight is overrated.
“I would have despaired unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living…”
The only thing that fuels this wait…
To turn from despair to belief.
To choose to relinquish control and leave the interpretation of the events to Him, seeing from His perspective.
To fix my eyes on things above while living with both feet below.
To recall, this is a God Who knows what He’s doing.
It’s that simple.
And that difficult
“…wait. Be strong and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord.”