This is the last post of this 4-part series…
In my time alone with God, my heart-book showed a large deficit that seemed like it would never be resolved. At first, I thought I’d just have to get used to the discrepancy, ignore the mistakes I made, and figure out the best way to live with them while not overdrawing my account. The only problem was that by ignoring it, I’d just continue to make the same mistakes and the deficit would grow larger.
After a while, I got so used to living with the discrepancy that I shrugged it off with little more than an “oh well.” But the truth is, as my heart’s balance continued to decline, so did my hope, and my loneliness and seeming silence from God only grew larger. It seemed there was nothing I could do to fix it.
This is the third post in my 4-part series on the heart.
“…that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.” -Paul, A Letter to the Philippians (3:7-11)
Although my usual patterns of Scripture reading, prayer, singing, reading, and journaling still left me wanting, I kept at them. These were the only means I knew how to seek the Lord, and I knew I needed Him. I later felt compelled to read Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster, which I had read years ago, but it seemed like something I needed now. I see now that God was graciously leading me even when I didn’t see it too clearly.
God just used my checkbook to teach me quite a lesson.
I had been reconciling my checkbook with the bank’s online statements when I noticed several discrepancies. It had been a while since I had tallied everything up – even the most “type A” of us get lazy about these things at points – and I began to see how this was hurting me. By not keeping track of my transactions regularly, there were little errors here and there that had a cumulative effect.
Did you know that your heart matters?
Probably more than you realize?
Simply managing your behavior is not enough to address the true issues of your heart. You have to face the contents within if you will ever find healing and freedom. And God, who is Healer and “tries the feeling and the heart,” is the only One who can bring restoration in you and anyone else connected.
Don’t wait. Take the time. Go to Him now. Tell Him everything…yeah, even that scary stuff. Confess your sins one to another. Be reconciled to your brother or sister. You don’t have to carry all those burdens anymore. Take it from one who is learning more and more the depth of this truth: God is here.
(Proverbs 4:23; Jeremiah 11:20a; Matthew 11:28-30; James 5:16; Matthew 23-24; I John 1:8-9; I Peter 5:5-7)